The information below explains the Flag Officers, Office Bearers, Committee Members of a typical Yacht Club.

1. Commodore:
Have wide 'sweeping' powers. His mascot is a broom, which he uses with authority. He can create (even procreate) or demolish members at will. A long look in his eyes could be pulverizing. Commodores are ferocious animals best kept happy and never contradicted. Their motto: "Rule by my broom or be sent to your doom" is not to be taken lightly. These creatures exist in every sailing club in the world. Of course, some are quite nice and invite you over to their yacht but in every lightly hood you may end up in the M.P.B. (Missing Persons Bureau). Members beware: Commodore brutality is well known especially to defaulting members.

2. Vice Commodore:
A sheep in lamb's clothing. Exactly. Selected by the Commodore himself to serve under him, the Vice Commodore is a toothless sponge-spined mannequin incapable of even zipping his own pant! Implementing new ideas is his job, which the Commodore voraciously accredits to himself. Being timid, Vice Commodores rarely come out of their dens in daytime except to attend committee meetings under heavy disguise.

3. Rear Commodore:
Considered the back-door electee. Permanently guards the rear (not always his). Banned from answering your questions (even telephone calls) and pretends to be deaf. In a certain Yacht Club in Scotland, by the order from the Commodore, a Rear Commodore was paraded half naked (waist upwards) in the Club premises for merely answering the phone call! However, due to this, the Club's membership increased three-fold.. As the Rear Commodore was a Lady! Strange things can happen in Yacht Clubs....really.!

4. Captain of Boats:
Usually selected from left-overs. A conceited self-centred ox, painfully boring. His only conversations are with boats. Education not pre-requisite for the post. Tindel's (boatmen) folkore has given him mythical status being that of cross between Sperm Whale and Mermaid! In a committee meeting easily identifiable by his petrid odour - a peculiarity noticed in most of the World's Yacht Clubs. "Captain of Boats" is a modification of the original title before the days of sailboats where one senior shepherd was designated as the "Captain of Goats".

5. Honorary Treasurer:
Here is the irony lies in word Honorary. Every Yacht Club, yes every, appoints Honorary Treasurers who are Graduates from various Schools for Scoundrels - ex-conmen,ex-convicts, evenfrom Ex-Files etc. The ICSA (International Convicts Sailing Association) usually supplies the right material to Clubs for this post. Naturally, a strict examination weeds out the 'Lowest' percentage achievers who zero-in as the Club's favorites. Their Code of Conduct reads as: 'Plug into the treasury socket and siphon into your own pocket'.

6. Honorary Secretary:
These are nice fun-loving types who keep the Club alive by doing no work. Sailing activities have vanished in many Yacht Clubs because of these good people. They are so relaxed that they take 'hours' to write 'minutes' of the committee meetings held once in 2 years to discuss urgent matters. Their permanent friendly smile (more of a stupefied grin) is said to be due to a congenital deformity of the upper jaw. Their belief in the slogan is meticulously followed: Rest is Best and Leave Work to the Rest Party and Booze and theirs nothing to Loose

7. Committee Members:
Humble souls who fill up the Managing Committee. They know not how to read or write and communication has its limitations. Their main duty is to nod in unison at the Commodore's wisdom. Sailing knowledge is considered redundant for them as most of them have never seen a boat, yet they are indispensable from the only view-point of forming the required quorum for meetings. They are usually 'cross-dressers' who love bangles et al. and meetings often end on a merry dancing note... especially on Fridays.

8. Club Members (The whole lot):
The good the bad and the ugly. That covers all. The good are quite good at being bad while the bad get worse at being good. The ugly remain as such. Sir Humphrey had once described this category of dim-witted humanoids as lemmings who are born loosers. Their habit of getting lost reflects on their sailing as most never return once set sail. Also, being heavy alchoholics and not toilet trained, they certainly don't make pleasant company. However, these days this species is showing traces of intelligence and have begun to ask "WHY" to everything - even if asked 'Wher is the loo'.