By Bejon Madon

It has been recorded that the Colaba Sailing Club was founded in 1936 by two enterprising gentlemen. This statement is not correct. The date itself is hopelessly wrong. I have spent days, months and years over the archives of the Club and have some startlingly mind-boggling facts to reveal.

According to Old CSC Scriptures our club was started in the year of our Lord, 1342 somewhere in Spain, during the reign of King Hasang Bulsheet- III. The fact that Kings I and II never even existed is proof enough of his name. However, it is interesting to note that although History cannot be changed, our official CSC Old Testament has recorded in Chapter XXXVIILXI that the King’s claim of being the best bull-fighter in all Spain is totally misleading and false. Our Scriptures nevertheless suggest that the claim maybe pertaining to “Bull-Shitter” for which we have ample proof today. We are very lucky indeed to have as our current member a distant descendant down the doubtful line, someone of the caliber of a King (Kong) …. our very dear Mr. Hasanga (name changed for security reasons …. whose, his or mine ?). He wishes to remain anonymous, which I respect (and won’t tell).

So, going back some 600 years, our recordings have, surprisingly and shockingly, no mention of any sailing (or even paddle boats). One wonders, like I do, how the great King allowed during his reign the founding of a club like CSC without yachts. Some scholars speculate that in 1341, a year before its birth, the well-known invasion of Spain by Emperor Cyrus and his loyal leeward spinnaker crew aided by valiant Hector and his center-plate (correction – armour plate) could have changed historical facts.

If you can read this you must be educated and so must have studied Spanish Sailing History in Std.-II. Then you must know that it was only after the Windward War that Emperor Cyrus with his fleet of 5 Sharpies (powerful sailboats with iron masts and hollow booms to be used also as cannons and usually fired on the friend / foe / irritant following behind) overtook the Spanish Armada on a “beat” luffing and laughing till he crashed on Gibraltar Rock (not shown in the old Bombay Harbour charts). He lost his protest but won the admiration of the King’s daughters – but that’s another story.

These historically and scientifically conclusive facts still do not shed much light on our Club’s existence and it was only until late 1963, after a gap of 600 years that two gentlemen, frustrated after hitting each other with a “mark” in a race, decided to distort history and separate the true facts from the true fiction. The latter, dear reader, is what you have read in the previous article by Cyrus Heerjee as he is now called …. same Cyrus …. ? how old is he ?? Public memory being short, our 600 year old history has now been reduced to a mere 60 and the scene has mysteriously shifted to Bombay. Maybe 30 years later they might even say CSC started in 1997 in Srinagar.

I have collected enough evidence of our ancient grandeur and most of you will immediately recall the Tudor King, William the Whatever, in his Final Day Regatta speech showering rich tributes to the CSC and generously donating one sailing half-pant to be circulated between 5 tindals on Saturdays. Another concrete piece of evidence is, as everyone knows, the accidental discovery in 1763 of a fossil of a “Sharpie”; intact with crew with eyes closed.

No wonder they fossilised. Moral : at least one member must always stay awake in a race; There are evidences and evidences and some even say that CSC was brought to Earth by aliens – and that’s going too far …. but …. who knows ?

CSC has seen many wars big and small, throughout its time, the most recent one being World War II. Needless to say the Royal Indian Navy did requisition our Sharpies specially fitted with razor-sharp center-plates which had sliced many a German submarine in half in a “close-hauled” attack. This had angered Hitler very much and it was for this reason the CSC office in Berlin went underground.

Now, in final conclusion I may point out that there are always different schools of thought in everything, just as the case of the FWC (Female Wrestlers Club), but that was not in Spain …. it was in …. I’ll look up the evidence.